I don’t like being sick alone.

I am a pretty self sufficient person. I don’t have a problem living alone; I actually quite enjoy it at times. There aren’t any roommates that I have to worry about getting the rent from, sharing food with, asking to quiet it down when I have an early morning, etc. Yet, there are times when it would be nice to have someone just “there” if I did want someone to talk to. Otherwise, I am such a busy person, that I rarely have enough down time to notice that I am alone.

But one situation that makes me very depressed and extremely lonely is when I am sick. It is so hard for me to be alone when I am sick. This past weekend I developed the stomach flu in what seemed like a matter of minutes. No aches, no pains, no fever, just instant nausea. Throughout the night as my illness progressed, thoughts of dying alone on the bathroom floor filled my head. What would happen if I did die? How long would my body lie there before someone noticed that I was missing? What a horrible thought.

I began consistently calling my mom to “update” her on my illness and let her know how I was feeling. My poor mom, I know it must get tiring to hear me crying into the phone at 2am, but I couldn’t help it. I needed the comfort of knowing that someone out there knew that I was sick and would be there in case I needed help (it doesn’t matter that she is hours away) I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her to call.

That’s when I began thinking that this will be such a major requirement for me when deciding if I could spend the rest of my life with someone…. How do they treat you when you are sick? I typically don’t require constant attention or someone to dote on me, unless I am sick. I know that whomever I decide to marry someday will have to go through “the sick test” to see if they can give me care and attention I want. Can you imagine being with someone who would go and sleep in the other room, leaving you to lie and writhe in pain through the night? Not me. I need the person that will be there patting my back and handing me the wet washcloth.