On Not Flying to Hawaii

I could be the waitress
in the airport restaurant
full of tired cigarette smoke and unseeing tourists.
I could turn into the never-noticed landscape
hanging identically in all the booths
or the customer behind the Chronicle
who has been giving advice
about stock portfolios for forty years. I could be his mortal weariness,
his discarded sports section, his smoldering ashtray.

I could be the 70-year-old woman who has never seen Hawaii,
touching her red lipstick and sprayed hair.
I could enter the linen dress
that poofs around her body like a bridesmaid,
or become her gay son
sitting opposite her, stirring another sugar
into his coffee for lack of something true to say.
I could be the reincarnated soul of the composer
of the Muzak that plays relentlessly overhead,
or the factory worker who wove this fake Oriental carpet,
or the hushed shoes of the busboy.

But I don't want to be the life of anything in this pitstop.
I want to go to Hawaii, the wet, hot
impossible place in my heart that knows just what it desires.
I want money, I want candy.
I want sweet ukelele music and birds who drop from the sky.
I want to be the volcano who lavishes
her boiling rock soup love on everyone,
and I want to be the lover
of volcanos, who loves best what burns her as it flows.

Alison Luterman



Earlier, I wrote a blog talking about my New Year's resolution not to have expectations. Strangely enough, it's working for me. While I've still look forward to things, I haven't placed so much importance on how certain things in my life go right or wrong. Instead, I'm trying to enjoy everyday and not try to place all my expectations on specific events. Since then I've had the best time ever at a Mardi Gras ball (and yes I wore the yellow princess dress), got to play in snow with my lab pup, and had a fun time at the parades this year. It's been hard trying to explain to people what I mean when I say I have no expectations, but it's working for me!!